jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh god it's open bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
