just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
