You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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