i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
