okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
