She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
