Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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