We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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