Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
