Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
