I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
