Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
