Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
