I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
