But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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