Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
