Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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