wrigley field is MILF paradise
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
