what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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