apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
