Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
