who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
