Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
