I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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