We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize