im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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