i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
