I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
