did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
