She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
