This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
