if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize