we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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