before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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