you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he fucked my hip out of place.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
