is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
