the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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