new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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