Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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