i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
