yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
