put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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