He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
