Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
