Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
