The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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