i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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