soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
