It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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