so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
