I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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