i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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