Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
