My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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