What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize