I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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