Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
