paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Buhtt sex?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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