she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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