you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
