Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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