Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
