i think my tv is drunk
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
