Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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