my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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