yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was not drunk enough for that final.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
