What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
