Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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