Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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