I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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