how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
