id be glad to
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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